remenicing
by Neoki Niogi Jaganshi
Summary: Itsuke is dead and sensui is in prison and falling deeper into depretion as he remembers his best friend. YAOI


Neoki: this is written on Sensui from yu yu hakusho. I don't own yu yu hakusho or the song Lucky 4 you (Tonight I'm Just Me). &Sticks a tongue out at lawyers and realizes her uncle is among them& SORRY! THEY MADE ME DO IT!!! &Points at a stuffed chicken& Sensui: she cant be human... she is warped more than I am she wants to open a portal to the maikai using a d-- (NJ snaps a hand onto Sensui's mouth to stop him from telling any incriminating facts) this was wrote by her friend Yaoi. He is as his name says and he is in love with Neoki's brother Jeremy. He has no account so NJ posted it for him, he will have one soon.  
  
You always said that I have multiple personalities I bounce around somewhere between my dreams and reality  
  
Sensui sighed and held his head trying to clear out the voices of his seven other personalities. His dream had almost been accomplished. All the humans deserved to die, they were evil and self-abhorrent, and he hated the fact that he was one. He was sitting in his cell in the reikai wondering why he had been brought back to life if all he was going to do was sit and rot in prison. It was a waste of power... did Koenma bring him back just to antagonize him? Was the rest of his team alive? If they were, were were they? He could hardly remember anything...none of his teams name all save one.  
  
So where'd u dig up the audacity to ask me  
  
How we've all been doing since u broke are hearts  
  
(Well, so far)  
  
Sensui had questions and so far he had got NOTHING. No answers, no questions exept for the guard that had scoffed at him and said "hows it haning' Sensui? Ya seem alil' bit peaked." Other than that he was alone. There was no sign of Koenma moving anyone into his cell to keep him company and day-by-day the voices just kept getting worse. There was only one thing that kept him going...the thought of seeing HIM again. He had to be alive... Itsuke keeper of the gate...Sensui's love and light. Something ironic how a dark angel would cling to a demon so thoroughly. He was in love...no doubt about it. But his koibito...no NOT his, Sensui reminded himself sadly. He had never had the courage... even before the multiple personification thing. He was probably never going to be given the chance now; he was going to sit here, alone and in sorrow. He was never going to get the chance to say "Ai shituru Itsuke-sama" and he felt so bad for it. He new that Itsuke would not have accepted him... Itsuke was straight as an arrow...and he had pierced Sensui's heart just as hard as one. If Itsuke were to accept him, he even would have bore the painfulness of being marked just to let lovely Itsuke know how much he cared. Sensui balled his fists tight and slammed one into the stonewall. It was HIS FAULT that Itsuke was DEAD it was ALL HIS FAULT...  
  
Number 5 just cries a river a minute  
  
Sensui started to sob, not caring if the other prisoners on his level heard him. He wanted Itsuke! He had always had a way of keeping Sensui's other personalities in check. Sensui closed his eyes as a wave of dizziness hit him hard. The floor of cell #14539054439 floor twenty-section c high security was becoming damper by the minute. Sensui's pain at the loss of his friend was unbearable. Sensui wanted to tell Itsuke what he had felt for so long. He NEEDED to tell him...tell him before he was lost in the unretudendent madness. Madness reserved...for him and him alone.  
  
7 wants to tie you up and drown you in it  
  
Sensui buried his head into his pillow and screamed loudly. "ITSUKE HOW COULD YOU FUCKING DIE ON ME BEFORE I COULD SAY I LOVE YOU?!" Sensui screamed out Itsuke's name between his sobs, angry at the world and at himself for not telling Itsuke and Itsuke for not paying the type of attention to him that he wanted. Itsuke had always been a friend...just a friend. Sensui was sure that he could have been so much more to him if he had survived. So much more than what they already were...  
  
Yeah, 14 just wants to say so long, bygones  
  
There was just this part of him that wanted to say fuck it and move on, he could find someone who would return his affections. Someone other than the dead... gorgeous demon that he had know since adolescence. He had never wanted anything so badly as to touch Itsuke's face on more time. It would be perfect. He had known Itsuke since he was fourteen and he thought that he would know him for a lot longer. 'Say goodbye Sensui he ain't coming back and if he does what are you going to tell him? Sorry that I got you killed now kiss me? That would turn out really nice...' Sensui closed his eyes remising on the fact that was pointless to think of what to say since Itsuke was dead.  
  
32 wants to do things to you that'll make you blush  
  
Sensui closed his eyes and sighed. He had tried everything to attract Itsuke's attention without alerting the others that he had affections towards the attractive demon male. Several times he had saw or perhaps he had imagined that he had saw a blush spread across Itsuke's face when he dropped a trivial hint to him. He had always loved that blush. It fit Itsuke perfectly. Not that the demon was girly or anything. Actually it was quite the opposite, in fact. Itsuke's masculinity showed through rather quite splendidly. All the more attractive to Sensui he needed a man that could protect himself and be gentle yet firm with him.  
  
10 would key the El Camino that you love so much  
  
Sensui had managed to get Itsuke drunk once. It took over fifty glasses of El Camino to do it but Itsuke had been drunk. Itsuke really loved the El Camino. Sensui smirked at the memory of an un-sobered Itsuke dancing around sixteen year old Sensui's room with only his boxers on singing "I'm to sexy for my shirt." At the top of his lungs with matching motions. Unfortunately for the highly aroused Sensui, Itsuke passed out before he had finished the song. Fortunately for Sensui, Itsuke had not remembered the fact that Sensui had started to masturbate.  
  
And there ain't nobody wants to mess with 23  
  
Sensui sighed as one of the prisoners in a cell near his started to scream, "how does it feel to be trapped here? You filthy human scum!!" obviously he was one of the demons Sensui and his beloved Itsuke had put in this place when they were reikai tantei. Sensui stood up and walked over to the sink were his toothbrush was. He picked up his toothbrush, walked over to the prison door and threw the toothbrush at the opposing youkai. The brush pierced straight threw the youkai's head and it slid to the floor dead.  
  
Oh, lucky 4 you tonight I'm just me  
  
Sensui's mind drifted back to when he was just him. He and Itsuke when they were not on a mission Koenma had instructed them on, they were playing together and having fun. Even though Itsuke was a demon and Sensui was a human Itsuke was able to pass as a human with ease. They had played video games and gone rollerblading. They had watched TV and fought and ate popcorn while watching horror movies and stayed up all night.  
  
I guess this party's more than your new Barbie bargained for  
  
She's got you by the sleeve, slowly easing towards the door She's probably right, you should be movin' on Don't know how long we can behave Better have the valet get your car ('Cause you know how women are)  
  
Sensui remembered the first time he had seen Itsuke with a girl. That was the first time he realized that he had feelings for the youkai. He had been so jealous about it and it had taken forever for Itsuke to talk him down. The sad thing was Itsuke had no clue why Sensui had been so depressed. The girl was the most pathetic thing he had ever seen she had kept pulling at Itsuke's sleeve trying to pull him away from the party and everyone in it. She was such a weak girl not deserving of Itsuke's attention, Itsuke later told Sensui that he hated the girl but he needed a date... Sensui wished that Itsuke would have asked him to the party he would have said yes. But Itsuke hadn't and Sensui was left with a broken heart. Itsuke should have been his.  
  
Number 5 just cries a river a minute  
  
7 wants to tie you up and drown you in it  
  
Yeah, 14 just wants to say so long, bygones 32 wants to do things to you that'll make you blush 10 would key the El Camino that you love so much And there ain't nobody wants to mess with 23...  
  
Sensui's head slumped to the side as his seven other personalities battled for control. But this time they would not get it. It was their fault that Itsuke was dead and he was never ever in an eternity let them take control again. To many people had suffered from it...people he loved with all his heart and soul with every fiber of his being.... People like his beloved Itsuke...or The poor little gamer who had no clue he was being used to over power the Ningenkai, naive children and teens. He was at fault for not controlling the personalities he had gained when he destroyed the previous members of the black black club. It was his fault that so many had suffered and died. In reality was he no better than that which he despised? Was he just as bad as what he wished to destroy? The answer Sensui came to was a yes. In trying to what he thought was evil he only became it. In a way it was ironic, to become what you most hate while trying to destroy it. Ironic how his soul now trembled 'neath its own investigation of his depths. His eyes spoke of years beyond his age and body. He had seen evil and eventually amidst the pain and fortitude of trying to survive he had become is hatreds symphony, he had become the evil that lives in the deeps of each human and demons soul and he had loved it. He thought he was helping the world but in reality he was destroying it and turning it into a perpetual limbo. He had always wanted what was best for others and when he looked into a mirror he say a hero. Now he knew what he truly was. Most mirrors are mere errors...he in turn was an error that needed to be deleted. He was a hypocrite and a pedophile in lamenentation terms he was nothing. He was not even a lie and it hurt more than anyone would be able to imagine. He would never be able to hold redemption and he knew it. Lucky for him (note the sarcasm)...he was stuck in a living hell. He had died in his fight with yusuke hadn't he? Then why was he still alive?  
  
Oh, lucky 4 you tonight I'm just me  
  
Now Sensui stood alone his planning wasted and his heart broken. Sitting in a jail cell in the dampest mood realizing that you had been living a lie, that you were in fact responsible for your best friends death, was not the funniest way to spend your day. All Sensui wanted to say was that he was sorry for everything and that he was a mad man, if any man at all. He felt more like a worm. He was now only him. There was no voice in his head that could interrupt his lamenting soul. He was a dark angel all right...and.... he...he had been pulled down.... Down into his own abyss. He was himself now. He HAD one against the voices, in the end, and he was exhausted beyond all belief. If only he had one sooner... none of this would ever have ever happened.  
  
Forgiveness is the key  
  
According to my shrink  
  
But, it's not just up to me  
  
(I don't know girls, what d'ya think?)  
  
Sensui could not forget. He would never forgive himself for Itsuke's and the rest of his friend's deaths. The spirit world had sent several shrinks down to Sensui's cell to try and calm his other personalities only to find that they were gone and all that was left was a shell of a little boy that had had to mature to quickly and was now mourning the loss of most of his childhood and his best friends death. This had been reported to Koenma and they had a surveillance camera in his room to watch his every move. To make sure that the other personalities where gone for good. The nightly tapes Koenma was surprised to see were of Sensui tossing and turning sobbing out Itsuke's name while crying his eyes out for the lost of a friend that he wanted to become so much more.  
  
Number 5 just cries a river a minute  
  
7 wants to tie you up and drown you in it  
  
Yeah, 14 just wants to say so long, bygones 32 wants to do things to you that'll make you blush 10 would key the El Camino that you love so much And there ain't nobody wants to mess with 23  
  
Oh, lucky 4 you tonight I'm just me  
  
Sensui was currently banging his head into his cell wall trying to give himself a concoction so he could have a night of dreamless sleep. Every night he was plagued by nightmare's of the rotting corpse of Itsuke and the rest of his friends attacking him, Itsuke whispering how he hated him with every fiber of his being, of falling through a portal to some warped land, it never ceased. A guard came in and gave Sensui a shot of morphine to keep Sensui from bashing his own brains into the wall. The only reason anyone paid any heed to Sensui was because Koenma was curious as to what was going on within the once reikai tantei gone bad guy's mind. It was curious indeed to see Sensui in such a state.  
  
Number 5 just cries a river a minute  
  
7 wants to tie you up and drown you in it  
  
Yeah, 14 just wants to say so long, bygones 32 wants to do things to you that'll make you blush 10 would key the El Camino that you love so much And there ain't nobody wants to mess with 23  
  
Oh, lucky 4 you tonight I'm just me  
  
Sensui was beyond what Koenma had expected. His other personalities seemed to be the real problem and now that they were gone Sensui was slowly regaining his sanity and slowly slipping deeper and deeper into the embrace of depression. Things were going on in the reikai, Ningenkai, and maikai alike big things that the reikai tantei group would need experienced help with. Koenma was currently trying to help the experienced ones past what they had done and onto a level of sanity and sensibility. The one way they could repent was to help Koenma and the spirit detectives round up the demons that escaped into the human world. Right now though the person that Koenma needed was trying to bash his own brains in because he missed his friends. Koenma watched as a guard ran over and gave Sensui an ejection. "Botan! I need you to come here now!" Koenma screamed. Botan ran into the room and bowed. "Yes Koenma sir?" Botan asked quickly. "I need you to get me something..." Koenma whispered what he needed into Botan's ear. Her eyes when wide in surprised. "Koenma-sama are you positive that that is a good idea? I mean i..." Koenma nodded at Botan. "do it Botan." Botan nodded and ran out of the room oar in hand.  
  
Number 5 just cries a river a minute  
  
7 wants to tie you up and drown you in it  
  
Yeah, 14 just wants to say so long, bygones 32 wants to do things to you that'll make you blush 10 would key the El Camino that you love so much And there ain't nobody wants to mess with 23  
  
Oh, lucky 4 you tonight I'm just me  
  
Sensui was highly drugged. He felt terrible, and the guard had refused to give him a sleeping draught. It was all he could do to keep from crying and he couldn't even get that right... Sensui's eyes widened in shock as the prince of reikai popped up in front of him. "Why the bloody hell are you here Koenma? I think you caused enough problems by bringing me back to life... I have nothing to live for." Sensui looked at Koenma with glazed eyes. "Why Sensui are you still convinced that humanity needs destroyed?" Sensui shook his head no. "Itsuke..." it was just a small whisper but Koenma heard it. Koenma knew that that was what Sensui wanted. "You miss him, don't you Sensui? Itsuke and the others?" Itsuke nodded yes to Koenma's question. "It's more than 'I miss him' so much more..." "What is it then Sensui? What is it that you, the real you, wants so badly?" Koenma stared at the man who had once held such promise. Surely there was a little shred of humanity left within him. "I want Itsuke... not as JUST a friend, but as a lover. I love him. Loved him I mean. And I never told him that I really cared for him more than just a friend. I never let him know what I really felt for him and know he is dead and it is my entire fault. In a way.... I killed my Itsuke that was never mine." Sensui started to cry. "Sensui we have someone here to see you." Koenma whispered. "Who would want to visit me?" with that question Botan opened the door of the prison cell and walked in with Itsuke and the rest of Sensui's gang. Sensui's eyes went wide and he stood up only to fall into... Itsuke's warm chest. Itsuke gave Sensui a smile and ruffled his hair. "Koenma wants us to become reikai tantei again, and he wants the rest of the gang to join us, how does that sound Koibito? We can help yusuke with his cases and we can be together. Sensui smiled and nodded. "So you're saying that you heard everything?" Itsuke nodded. "I love you Sensui." Sensui's eyes went wide "I love you to Itsuke." Sensui lifted his head and gave Itsuke a deep kiss. "Let's go home Sensui-koi let's go home." Itsuke picked Sensui up since he was still weak from the drugs and walked out of the prison cell with the others. "Itsuke will you mark me?" Sensui whispered so the rest of his friend would not hear him. "When we get home and the drugs were off I shall. I will do a lot more when I get you home Sensui." Sensui closed his eyes and snuggled into HIS Itsuke's chest. For the first time in years Sensui's dreams were not of blood pain or suffering, instead they were of the lover he had always dreamed of and now possessed. OWARI .-  
  
Neoki: please review Yaoi's account should be up soon but he wants me to post this for him. 


End file.
